Behind the Uniform

Below is an impressive line-up of the uniforms and roles my husband has worn since we started dating. In order he has served as a: Marine, National Guardsman, Police officer, Firefighter, and EMT. Many of these roles have taken place co-concurringly. My point here is not to boast about his accomplishments, but to paint a picture of the sense of calling that our military heroes gone before us for decades, must have felt. I imagine this is only a representation of a fraction of their sacrifice, given extensive advancements in technology. This is our story.

When we first started dating, little did I know what I was getting myself into. He was in a period of transition at the time wanting to finish up his reenlistment in the Marine Corps and working at a Naval Shipyard, vying to forget soldier-life and a razor. Little did he or I know that he wasn’t ready to give up the uniform. We flung head first into marriage, followed by a home and one year later, preparing for pregnancy. I found myself as the wife of another soldier in the National Guard. When that commitment was approaching its end, I breathed a sigh of relief only to be faced with a situation in which he wore two uniforms at one time. The days and nights were long, weeks rolled into months. Our daughter developed separation anxiety, the crying was sometimes relentless. The drying uniforms hanging by the washer were a continual reminder that I had married a wolf not a sheep dog.

I cannot explain the disappointment and shame he felt when the flag was not lowered appropriately for Holidays, etc. The shaking of his head when people in parades were marching out of step or they dragged the flag. His sense of pride for his country was a part of him that he couldn’t turn in. It became clear that Chris was a “special breed” (as he refers to himself). A day job wouldn’t fulfill, wouldn’t satisfy. And so he became a LEO. I was not prepared for the emotional component of being a police wife. The washing machine became not just a place for dirty laundry, but a container for loose bullets forgotten in cargo pockets. The smell of the sweat filled ballistic vest never went away no matter how much baking soda and febreeze I used. 6 years in, I still cannot understand the deep level of commitment he has to serve so selflessly. At times, I have struggled with what that service has meant we give up, as his family. Yes, there have been times I have felt like I was on the back-burner. I can only honor the commitment. He does what he does not because he can and others can't, but because he will and others won’t.

Along the way, my husband noticed some barriers to the ways he could help others as a Police officer. He was bound by the laws of the State. He wanted to add Firefighter and EMT training to his bucket of tools. I cannot be more proud of him than I am today. Not just because of his accomplishments, but because of his selflessness. To him, it's not even serving or sacrifice, it's a commitment, a duty, and more importantly, a calling. Show support to a lady behind the uniform. They are the ones feeling the real sacrifice. Chances are she is jealous of your husband's 9-5 no-holiday gig but she is embarrassed to show it. Chances are she is tired of being alone on holidays but she doesn't feel worthy enough even to complain because when she thinks of what her husband is doing, self can't enter the picture.

On this day last year, our local school system held school. Words cannot express the hurt and disappointment I felt when I looked around at the Memorial Day service, and saw only 2 other children. At any other time, I would have forgot about that disappointment the next day. I cannot explain why, but I didn’t waste that feeling. I did the brave thing and contacted several school officials about this, not expecting to get a reply at all. I got a reply stating that the school did not ‘intend to offend anyone.’ There were several key replies I could have made, but chose not to. This year, that same school system did not hold school! That is all the proof that I need to know that one person does matter. One voice can make a change. Just because we don’t have an army of people behind us, doesn’t mean we can’t stand up for what is right. I know someone who does have an army of workers, and when I let Him fight for me, it gets done slower but better that I could ever have.

I challenge us to not rely on other's to teach our children what they should know about this Country, because it may not happen. She and I are celebrating our hero tonight with a nice meal alone at home because this is what real life looks like. It looks like 12 to 24 hour shifts. It looks like celebrating birthdays and occasions before or after they occur. It looks like waiting up at night. It looks like uniforms laid out, awaiting their wearer. It looks like long lists of everything you needed to but couldn't communicate about during that 24 hour period. It looks like goodnight notes left on the kitchen counter. It looks like leftover meals in the fridge. It is beautifully messy, selfless and patient.

I cannot say that this marriage has turned out to be what I had imagined when we first met. Not even close. We had no idea the highs and lows it would bring. The surprises, the adventure, the mysteries. I wouldn't trade it for my thin, flat self-planned life in a heartbeat. Marriage is about sacrifice and forgiveness. Everyday. It is not easy to be the wife behind the uniform, behind the badge. We have more dress uniforms, boots, weapons, lock boxes and ammo boxes than I would like to have. And, oh the boots…those warrant a second mention! But I wouldn’t know what this life would be if I had my choice from the start. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. We are in it to win it every day through God's grace. The world doesn’t owe me or you a thing. You are not guaranteed tomorrow, not even today. I hope it costs me everything, because in Him, I have everything! Freedom is not free. Even Jesus isn’t free. It will cost you something, maybe even everything that you have known. Freedom costs the families behind these uniforms something. We stand in the gap and simply say “thank you” with our sincerest self. There is no need to add to or express our gratitude in elaborate ways. We are simply but a drop in the bucket in this world. And so it is with our Heavenly father…we get to simply say “thank you” for all He has given us and delight in our blessings. Hug a neck, shake a hand, and support a military family or local hero. Show respect, dignity, and honor to those who support our country and our communities; you owe them more than you think.

#MemorialDay #ForFreedomweareFree #WifebehindtheBadge #WifeofSacrifice